Mother Dearest
My amazing Mum. The eternal optimist. So giving with her time and love. An avid gardener, she's currently busy planting my inheritance. I'm fine about it, really.
For once, as everyone knows I am never short of words, I'm struggling to condense a wonderful woman into a few paragraphs.
Everyone says their Mums are the best in the world. I suspect they are wrong, as they don't have her.
The woman who calls Eminem 'Emcee', Jay-Z 'Jay C' and Stormzy 'Stormy'. How she even heard of them is miraculous in itself, being a slave to Radio 4. The woman who let me watch 'The Inbetweeners' from age 12, learning about all things 'minge' and 'the caravan club'. She argued it was educational - introducing me to the world of teenage boys. Age 9, singing Lily Allen's lyrics with gusto:
'So I lie here in the wet patch in the middle of the bed, I'm feeling pretty down hard done by, I spent ages giving head'
Thankfully it went right over my head, OR was responsible for my early promiscuity. Guess we'll never know.
The laughs we've had listening to 'My Dad Wrote A Porno' together in the car, singing 'A Star is Born' duets (badly), kitchen discos to Nelly, my shoulder to cry on, the first one I want to talk to when receiving good, or bad news.
Single parenting from day dot, she gave me a childhood filled with all the love of two parents. I will never be able to repay her for this.
Rose spritzers at 5pm every day (the sun's over the yardarm somewhere right?), her annoying ability to ALWAYS win at shithead, and her beauty make me beyond proud to be her daughter.
She's getting married this year to the most amazing man. One who makes paella in the pouring rain with an umbrella. Their relationship is so special, and makes me genuinely believe in 'everything happens for a reason'. They're just outrageous, both the life and soul of the parties. Just such bloody good fun. We can all take a leaf out of their book - stop taking life so seriously, you will end up exactly where you're meant to be.
So read this as a love letter to my Mum. Truly, no one does it better.
