TV

Today's a tricky one. We're discussing a relationship I have endless issues with - from obsession, to disdain, to even disgust... Pull up a pew, let's talk about telly.

For some, it's a constant. A crutch, providing needed escapism from life's chaos. For example, if my Mum had her way, she would have a 'TV supper' every night. For many like her, it's switch-off time.

I've always been a real comfort consumer. I, to this day, go to sleep listening to the Famous Five audiobooks, probably 3 nights a week. Wow, that's an embarrassing confession. Podcasts like My Dad Wrote a Porno are on their eighth round of listening. The sad thing? I still laugh, like it's the first time I've heard the jokes. Just today, I was cackling, zooming up the M4 at Jamie's cake fork incident. So why do I wrestle with TV?!

As a wee one, it was H20 Just Add Water, iCarly (at age 9, the best thing about Ma's boyfriend Frank, was that he had Sky. SKY!!! As a BBC iPlayer kid, the cinematic universe was unlocked - horizons broader than ever seemed possible), The Saddle Club. Ugh, the nostalgia consumes me.

Moving into teen years, shows like 90210 and Shameless (unusually for me, the US version - the UK is a bit too grim) were on repeat... privately. Ma and I watched less TV together. I would pretend it was because I was tired and SO busy with my 15-year-old admin obligations, when actually, I was phobically scared of watching with her, incase a sex scene came on. Whenever we watched together, I would be nail-bitingly stressed, and when one inevitably arrived on the screen, I would go bright red and want the sofa to swallow me whole. Why? I genuinely have no idea. I suppose it was early in my own sexual (pls read in the style of Miranda) development, and I was deeply stressed about how my boobs didn't look like that, and the diversity in the presentation of sex alarmed me. Little old me just thought, sex was sex. But on the screen there was SO MUCH TO DO, and by extension, SO MUCH I COULD BE DOING WRONG. AND, my Mum was in the room!! OH THE HORROR.

Post uni (where communal telly watching with a beer in hand was an elite form of procrastination), TV and I broke up. It was a clean break. I never looked back. I'd get emails from Netflix saying they 'missed me'. I had never felt so desirable.

No, that's a simplistic retelling of events. I would watch shows, obviously. But it took a few years. Eventually, the fixation culture latched itself onto rewatching Fleabag, Crashing (another PWB whopper), Sex Education, Call My Agent, This Country, etc.

And then it happened again. I fell out of love with TV. The path of love really never does run smooth hey?

I'd try. I'd really try. As someone with two modes (I'm either socialising, or I'm asleep), I knew 'chilling' was important, so I forced myself to start series after series, never getting grabbed, never finishing the whole thing. Slow Horses, Rivals, You, all got relegated to Chloe Lamb's TV graveyard.

My boyfriend at the time started watching Breaking Bad with me. This was a proper watershed moment. This unlocked my love for TV again (actually haven't been brave enough to finish it yet - must put big girl pants on and do that. Imminently, in fact).

Since the end of my most recent episode (is she talking about bipolar, or TV? Ooh, there's something there. I can make that funny. Will work on it and report back. It's a WIP), I have been devouring TV like it's going out of fashion. The current obsession?

The Resident. Think, American Holby, but worse. Each patient who comes in with a sniffle is reviewed by the full team of neuro, cardiothoracic and orthopaedic surgeons, two nurses (with diagnostic power), three doctors (one of whom likely has a connection to this patient), before they inevitably 'code' (arrest) as something much more sinister is going on...

Sounds crap. I know. But I fucking LOVE IT. I have watched 68 episodes in two months.

Anyway. Telly and I are good at the moment. It looks after me. Makes me laugh. Makes me cry (all good relationships do, right? Or maybe that's where I've been going wrong...).

Wow, what a ramble.

Anyway, got to go finish season 4 of The Resident. Bye.