Chloe Lamb, Professional Attention Seeker

Pull up a pew and saddle up for a wild ride through 10 of my desperate ploys for attention over the years. How, you ask? We're opening up the metaphorical dressing-up box of times gone by. From safari truck, to Hugh Hefner, it's fair to say I have range. Get ready for second-hand embarrassment. I'm sorry in advance.

1. It's Clown Time

   
   

   2003. Coming in strong - my Mother did the face paint, and my Granny was clearly complicit in the crime. Truly terrifying. However, it was a sign of things to come.

   I loved dressing up as a wee one... most kids do right? Most kids, however, leave this behind when they hit maybe 11? Not me, I was destined for unwavering commitment to fancy dress.

2. Safari Truck

   
   

   2017. One of my first big 'parties' back in the UK - Bethan's 18th. There were going to be boys there, so I had to look pretty.

Clearly didn't quite execute the 'pretty' thing, as I made a safari truck, with headlights. HEADLIGHTS. Angus got me so drunk I fell out of the car on arrival, breaking the truck (Land Rovers aren't what they used to be, so flimsy).

3. A Moscow Mule

   
   

   2019. The theme was 'cocktails'. Some guests decided to go sophisticated, in tasteful little black dresses. In contrast, I was a Moscow Mule. A donkey with a Russian flag (which I have since thrown away - it was found in my costume box at uni and I was accused of being a Putin fanatic). My mum went as a Bloody Mary and she drank so many cocktails I found her lying on the doormat, cackling to herself, unable to get up. If you know Ma, you'll appreciate how brilliant that is.

   
   

   

   
   

4. Gnomes, etc

   
   

   2019. It's uni time baby! Durham was a fertile environment for creativity. Some channelled it into their studies. Others...

   
   

From lifeguards, to gnomes, to Prince Charmings, to rodents, to psychiatric patients... we tried it all.

5. 7 deadly sins...

New Year 2022. A faintly bizarre theme, but there were 7 of us so it made sense ok! From pride to greed, to gluttony (which admittedly was more than just a costume that weekend).

6. The Princess and the Pea

   
   

   2022. Now this is a good one. Jessamy and I's joint 21st birthday. The theme was 'duos and trios'. After much deliberation, we settled on the princess and the pea for our costume. There wasn't even an argument for who wanted the princess and who wanted the pea. We just knew (we had known each other for 22 years at that point).

   
   

   I even bought, in hindsight, suspiciously cheap pea earrings from Etsy (a terrifying site, hope I'm not the only one who quakes at the orange logo). They arrived with a £25 customs fine. I wish I could say that this was an isolated incident. Spending stupid amounts of money on costumes has become a habit. A friend recently hosted a Burns Night dinner party, and the dress code was 'a nod to Scotland'. I spent half my monthly salary on tartan and tweed. Now, that's an expensive 'nod'.

Sorry, where was I? Apologies for the tartan tangent.

Ah yes, duos and trios. Everyone really commited to this theme - see below. This particular party was fantastic (nothing to do with the fact I hosted it - stay humble guys). All the things that should have happened at a 21st did seem to happen: portaloos were fallen out of, friends were kissing people they shouldn't have been, and Oisin fell asleep and locked himself in a car holding everyone's booze. He failed to wake up, even when 5 drunk boys were rocking the car back and forth in attempt to rouse him. It was one for the books - costume highlights include Track and Trace (Oh Covid, we don't miss you), the Inbetweeners and Carole Baskin and Joe Exotic.

7. Under the Sea

   
   

   2023 - another New Year. Get ready for an eclectic aquatic melange. We were entering our era of scripted socials as a group. This one was 'Under the Sea', featured Bethany Hamilton (in padded speedos, horrifying), Poseidon, Jack Sparrow, Ursula and many more.

8. Alexa, play 'Royals'

   
   

   Onwards, and onto royalty. Yes dahling, royalty. I have now dressed up in Queenly garms twice. Once, Queen Elizabeth II (rip, thought you were great x). The other time was as the Queen of Hearts on World Book Day at my new school. It was my 4th day at said school so I had a lot to lose.

   
   

   And lose I did.

   
   

   My regality was lost on the little ones, with one saying: "you've done clown makeup, but that's not what clowns wear". Great.

   
   

   As for the Queen Elizabeth II moment, I can only apologise for the 'drunk eyes'. Check out Andrew in the far pic, impressive commitment to the theme.

   
   
   

   

   
   
   

9. Hugh Hefner

   
   

   2024. Halloween. My pal Wilko and I decided it would be hilarious to be Hugh Hefner and the Playboy bunny. In hindsight, funnier for me than him as he now gets 11 weekly emails from Ann Summers following his purchase of a full bunny outfit, complete with cuffs and fishnets. Wish I could include the full image - it is cropped, as he has a very promising career ahead of him and I wouldn't want to jeopardise that.

   
   
   
   

   

   
   

10. ORDER!

    
    

    Finally, and most recently, it's New Year 2024. My overinflated ego wasn't helped by my appointment as the judge in our Kangaroo Court (it may have been a self-appointment, but let's not get bogged down in the technicalities). Trying crime after crime, you'd best believe I used and abused that gavel.

So, I hope you enjoyed this rifle through the treasure trove of costumes and parties aplenty. I bloody love dressing up, and am lucky to be surrounded by likeminded folk (or, less 'likeminded', more 'terrified to say no').

Off to Buck Pal for me, to resume my Queenly duties, and maybe even browse Etsy (AHH) for some knockoff tiaras. Farewell for now.